the flipnose gal.

I am currently sitting at Citrus plaza having spaghetti and enjoying a good book. I’m not feeling guilty at all. For the record though, I worked out today and haven’t ate all day. Haha…just needed some time out of the house.

I woke up early to go to the gym today to work off the anxiety I was feeling because I knew that today was the day that I had to go take Mitzi to be put to sleep. Mitzi is the family dog of over 13 years and she’s been blind and deaf for awhile now. I think the whole family knew it was time for her to go, but it definitely doesn’t make anything easier.

Dad drove me there and waited in the car. Mitzi was crying and I know that her eyes were bothering her. In a weird way..I wanted her to cry and show me her discomfort as we drove…so it would make me feel like we were doing the right thing. I know her eyes bothered her and her ears were getting worse. Her hair was falling out in patches and she had bad rashes all over. She also had a hard time breathing. I didn’t cry watching Marley & Me, but it sure is different in real life. They led Mitzi and me in the back room and gave her a tranquilizer to let her relax….gave me a few minutes with her (I bawled like a baby). The guy let me hold her while they gave her the shot that stopped her heart. She didn’t feel any pain and now she finally gets to rest. Mitzi was part of our family. She outlived her 2 liters and lived a happy life. She will be missed.

After we left—-my dad drove to the Blessings Center here in Redlands. We spent the next 2 and half hours feeding the homeless and I helped in the clothing section helping women find clothes to wear and bagging their stuff. There were soooo many people there. It helped get my mind off what happened this morning as well as the billion other things I’m trying to deal with right now.

I might be at a crossroads in life where it’s stressful and I’m tired of constantly having to stay positive about my situation…..but I know there are people facing much harder times than me. I’ve been feeling very angry and bitter this week, but the Blessings Center was a reminder of how grateful I should be for what I have.

I already made a friend with an old Russian grandma that volunteers there. Before she left she told me how great it was to have a young person helping her because shes too old to bend her knees to pick up the fallen hangers. She also told me I seemed to be a professional at bagging clothes. Who knows…maybe my future is in retail ;)

Time to get lost in a book for awhile.

Working on filing my claim. My blood pressure is rising just putting this all together. People suck.

It’s funny how I had to quit my full time job, but it doesn’t feel like I have enough time to do everything. Today, I’m heading to the OC to go to a party at Niguel Shores. Mary Crowl, who is like my Grandma in the OC is throwing a party and since I didn’t go to the last two parties—-I figured it was time that I go. I have to stop by my storage to put back my TV stand and then pick up my mail. I also have to go to the OC on Friday. I wish I wasn’t on this diet study..otherwise I probably would have stayed there the night and rode on Saturday morning before coming back to the IE and celebrate Matt’s Birthday with the family.

Anyways—-I haven’t heard back from Oakley so my chances of getting that job are getting slimmer. I’m giving myself until the end of November to really go 100% at my freelance/side project or I’m going to start applying for more jobs again. My biggest reason for wanting a real job is I need to get health insurance. I’m already 6-7 months late on getting my check up and I want to do some blood work to see how my POCS is doing.

Oh well. I’m at least grateful for the customer service calls with Matt. It might be really boring to do…but it’s helping me pay my bills on time. I also love being able to have flexible days again. It was nice hanging out with Tin yesterday working on her Wedding stuff. I wish we could do it everyday.

K—time to go. I hear Mitzi trying to come up the stairs….she is always looking for me (which can be hard to do since she is blind and partially deaf) because she knows I’ll let her lay in my bed and pet her until she falls back asleep.

My life sucks at the moment besides the fact that it only show how great of a family I have. Nice to know that there will always be people on my side when I feel like the rest of the world is against me. Hopefully things will work in my favor soon. For me and Bernice Julian.

Just got home from sister bonding time. I had fun =) The only downside is I saw the kid I bought lunch for two weeks ago. He was with a whole bunch of other teenage boys smoking next to their car. I guess that’s how they make their money…they all stand around different stores and ask for money until the main guy picks them up. =( Makes me sad. At least I didn’t give him money…